Tag Archives: mind body healing

Tied in Knots: How We Abandon Ourselves

And How to Stop

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough…”

That Barbie monologue spoke to me, as it did to so many women. America Ferrera was speaking for millions of women who’ve tied themselves in knots trying to be everything to everyone—and ended up losing themselves in the process.

I know because I was one of them.

I was the mom who had trouble tolerating my children’s whining because it made me feel like I was somehow failing. I had a hard time saying “no” to my kids, even when I knew they’d had enough screen time/candy/time at the park. I couldn’t finish even a short conversation with a friend on the phone without attending to every request right away.

I didn’t realize how exhausted it made me until I had a breakdown and had to learn to do things differently.

The Drama of the Upside-Down Plate: What I Learned About Emotions as a Child

For many years, I thought I was just “too emotional.” I hadn’t learned to allow and to express my feelings. They felt too big because they were stuck inside, and because of what I had been taught was normal.

My feelings often felt too intense, too easily triggered. Everyone else seemed to have it together while I was a mess inside. It never occurred to me that other people might be having the same feelings—they just weren’t showing them. I was comparing my insides to other people’s outsides.

It also didn’t occur to me that burying my emotions might make me sick.

Keep reading…

How I Learned Not To Abandon Myself

(and What a Mispronounced Name Taught Me)

My body had been speaking what I refused to acknowledge: I was abandoning myself to take care of everyone else, and my nervous system wasn’t having it anymore.

While postpartum with my second child, I was hospitalized for severe depression and anxiety after suffering months of chronic dizziness and nausea. I was released from the hospital after twelve days of inpatient treatment. During those days, I kept solid food down for the first time in months, started to have an appetite, and was just beginning to be able to sleep through the night. I was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

When I got home and was back in the stressful environment I had left, I immediately felt like no recovery had occurred at all. My husband expected me to be back to 100% right aw…ay, and every stressful moment, even the sound of my son’s voice (needing something from me!), caused a wave of dread, dizziness and nausea to come right back. Clearly, I hadn’t fully recovered yet. So I got put in a full-day intensive outpatient program for six weeks, so I could ease back into “life on the outside.”

When My Body Expressed What I Couldn’t Say

How stress manifested as severe physical symptoms

During maternity leave with my second child, I developed debilitating dizziness and nausea, and lost 16 pounds beyond the baby weight. I thought I was dying. Every medical test came back normal.

Content note: This post discusses severe health anxiety and psychiatric hospitalization. Please take care of yourself while reading.

My worst episode of chronic symptoms came on after my second child was born. I took a year off to be home with my baby and preschooler. I thought I’d enjoy it, but I was miserable–though I hated to admit it, even to myself.

My husband had a long commute, leaving me alone with the kids from 6 AM to 6:30 PM. I never made enough breast milk for my almost-10-pound baby, so he cluster-fed all evening. Both kids would cry in the car if I drove anywhere, trapping me at home. My older son’s preschool kicked him out of afternoon care because he wouldn’t nap, leaving me with just three hours of childcare a day. When my baby started refusing the breast at six months, just like my first son had done at 4 ½ months, I felt like I’d failed again.

The People-Pleaser’s Guide to Chronic Pain

How I Learned About the Mind-Body Connection

I was 28 years old, sleeping with a mouth guard, walking around in orthopedic shoes, and wearing a wrist splint to work and to bed. My body was falling apart—or so I thought.

This newsletter is a bit longer than usual—I want to share my own journey with chronic pain and introduce you briefly to the principles of mind-body healing that changed my life. If you’re a parent dealing with unexplained symptoms that doctors can’t figure out, this story might sound familiar.

Pain Psychotherapy Bay Area

Empowering clients to overcome chronic pain & symptoms